I don't see why you're so judgemental on everything I do or say.Like,do I really need a reason to not publish the blog?Stop assuming that I've issues just because I tend to do something out of the ordinary,or when it's really out of the blue.Maybe it's because I'm eccentric or maybe I just needed a change.NOT because I've bloody issues.

Maybe you're the one with issues,girl.Why is,him not ever changing for the better(at least for now),so oblivious to you?I mean I know you love him(notice the lack of past tense),but it's not as if you weren't constantly a victim of his pathetic sexual needs of the opposite sex.Then again,love IS sadly blind.

I really wonder whether you actually find that EU thing useful.I wonder whether you're dillusional about it all.If it really works,well..it'd just be more obvious.And no,I don't think you're more matured.More practical and realistic,maybe.Matured,no.

This is why I wouldn't wanna publish.You'd probably not accept it and bear a grudge for the wrong reason.You're right(refer to Maryann's tagboard).This is sad.

- - - -

On a very much lighter note,best friend and I had a really good talk today.I guess for a moment(okay I'm telling a fib) or many,I've doubted our friendship.I thought that we were all living it up for the status.That it was a little fascade that had happened,to assure that everyone's little bubble wouldn't burst.Just another thing to make someone happy.

Guess she has matured in her own little way and I'm merely quite oblivious to her growing up.Also because of her not displaying her maturity,or so she says.Anyhows,it was good that I met up with her just now.Realised how much I can actually relate to her,even though not totally.How much as well I missed us fooling around and laughing at the smallest of issues.

She also reminded me of :
1) How great Ben was.At one point of time.
2) How ugly Asyraf is(and that I probably went for him for his "charm").


{p/s}I'm sorry for all the brackets after every saying.I guess I'm not good with description and anything to do with adjectives and nouns.

bus rides are comforting.i ought to do it often.

I can't believe I woke up this morning,with a glimpse of adreaded fantasy amnesia.I woke up dreaming that my best friend had turned all "evil",then he tried to kiss me.OH bloody hell.To add to the horror,is the thought of him already attached,in reality.

Yesterday was also the mark of me severing ties with Asyraf.It's sickening to know that yours truly has dwelled on something so worthless.On someone,so worthless.

Whoever said "All's fair in love and more",must have been living in denial.Till then,may there come a day for true love.To love and be loved.Listen to me..I can be such a sucker for romance.

Oh.I saw a mother slapping her probably Primary1 kid at the bus stop.And just in the morning,FD was going "Why are kids violent today?".Now we know,isn't it?

My last words for all to see.For most,anyway.

To many a times,I've lost all sense in blogging(or should I say,writing for all to see).Too many a times I question thy self,whether or not I should just stick to penning down my thoughts on paper.

Keeping a diary meant you having to keep issues to yourself,if not having a moment of self-release.Blogging?It's that,alright..and a whole lot more.

Blogging means you having to put yourself out to the world.It means being judged for every word and every unseen action you utter.Then again,if all that judging(or criticising) could help you with your typed issues,by all means carry on.This hasn't help me much.

Goodbye,world.

Hello again,Jenn!So nice to see you blogging again(but why oh why LJ).You're a goddess when it comes to words:)

I finally got the necessary,so as to stuff dear me,for all the upcoming stay-in-to-save days.I hate the fact that I've to fork out about $40 for my mother's lost ixus4o's casing(I checked the price at Harvey Norman just now).And no,she has yet to know.

blast it!i've got shit songs on my iTunes.

I've the urge to rip,destroy and then re-create my clothes.Blame me for the lack of dollars in my wallet.Not to mention,I'll be stuck at home for the next couple of days.I'm bound to resort to something arty-farty when I'm bored senseless.

Oh.You do realise that I've nothing to blog about.If you don't however,I won't blame you for constantly wanting to be my paparazzi.


Wouldn't hurt if you cared,ya know.

Waking up at 2pm,even though you had an early night is a very sinful thing.Makes me feel all lethargic as well.yuck.

I've got 50bucks!!for grocery shopping.Looking on the bright side,at least I can have stay-ins that wouldn't lead to starvation.Speaking of which,I haven't even had brunch.

for the next few days,there will be no more of me stepping out of the house(except tomorrow,for grocery shopping).i need to save money,since i don't think i'll be able to get those short-term jobs.hopefully mom and dad will give me a wee bit help.

AND NO MORE CARAMEL FRAPPUCINO FOR ADILIN ISMAIL.

everytime she has them,she gets all looney and high.to top it all off,she had a venti just now.and since i'm not able to stop her,i might as well join her.naturally.bitchbitch session was good.too bad at the end of the day,the camera casing got lost.another reason why i've to save money.blast it.

- - - -

if you tell me something unnecessary right now,i will fucking slap you.bloody hard.

it's the eyes,lin.period.


i'm so damn hungry.irregular meals have become somewhat a constant,so i might just find a jamie oliver boyfriend soon.or a richard gere one.OH BLOODY HELL.i should stop with the richard gere thing.i hope the dear brother brings food home.

and i want the yellow trucker cap or the frenchman hat from topshop.or something to salvage me from a bad-hair day before school starts.speaking of stuff,i want to go back-to-school shopping!where the money's going to come from is another story.anyone able to offer help with that?
PLEASE.

and i wonder whether you're still mad at me for what i did to you last time.maybe whatever happened was a retribution of sort.

it's all random.and i miss typing like that.

{add}
I'VE GOT FOOOOOD.
dear brother,you're the bomb!
{/add}

I have a decent passport photo now.Not perfect,just decent.I actually even bothered to straighten my hair at the salon for it.Brunch with Shaz,Feez and Mary Ann at LJS.Since Shaz had to go to work,the rest of us decided to catch Date Movie(In actual fact,they forced me to watch with them).The movie's crap,period.

Met Lin for supposingly dinner at Mak's Place but I forgot that it's closed on Mondays.Off we went to Raimah's and we got a discounted dinner.It cost us 11bucks when it was probably 17bucks.
-
nis:"So cheap?I think we got a discount.The fish alone was 10bucks kan?Why?"
lin:"Yeah.He's been looking at us ever since we came.If it means giving us discounts,LOOK AT ME ALL YOU BLOODY WANT"
nis:(laughs)
-

Had Starbucks at Parkway afterwards.I swear I'm never bringing caffeine near that girl again.She started to get all high,uttering nonsense and taking ridiculous pictures.

Now let's just let the pictures talk.










she reminds me of WOODY WOOD PECKER

{p/s}
will somebody please remind me to be home early every monday and tuesday?my tv shows!

"Relationships aren't like accounting,Rory.Everything doesn't line up into neat little columns and tally nicely in the end."She pushes her tousled hair back as if to ram her point home: Life,unlike maths,gets tangled.
-Allison to Rory in "The Good,The Bad,and the Ugly Men I've Dated" by Shane Bolks

- - - -

Oh Creator.Feels so goddamn good when you laze in bed with the right book.Indulging in the pre-texted world,fantasizing about the happy ending and wishing it was yours.I've got two books on hand now and staying-in wouldn't be such a bad idea.Heck,I might just be able to save enough money to buy me a pair of Giordano khakis.Even when I am done with the books,I've still got Justice League to watch(quite a sucker for cartoons,ain't I?cartoons,not anime you moron).

Now,what exactly was the whole point of this entry?mmhmm.

Well,nothing much really.Breaking away from my past routined weeks have been,well..Uplifting.I think I'm never going back.God forbid.

And blast it!It hasn't even been a week.I'm not saying I miss that fucktard,but it feels as if his absence was much longer than that.Much,much longer.

Oh yeah.This entry doesn't have a point.In fact,many of my entries are just to put a temporary halt to my endless flow of random thoughts.And I like it that way.Oh boy,I starting to adopt the British lingo from all these bloody authors.ah vell.No harm.

{p/s}
I'm not going for the VSC interview.Plants and sorts,here I come!

Pool with the guys just now,returned me my sanity.

Dinner with Lin at BedokCorner afterwards.It was nice to have a long walk through the night and just let it swallow your bloody thoughts.Even for awhile.It ended off with,Lin sprinting 20m suddenly and then running across the road shrilling "Runnnnn".Shrilling.I almost wanted to pee in my bloody pants from laughing so bloody hard.Details and how she got scared by a leaf,over at hers.

lin is fun shit.

Oh yes.I had to exchange wth someone for 5dollars of change.He was so helpful and was even kind enough to give me a $2 note to make things simpler for me.He could have just given me $5 worth of coins,which he had in his palm.Best thing is,he looked a little Japanese and was almost an Asian version of Richard Gere.

Life's so much better now.And I ought to stop this fetish for old man,especially Richard Gere.
Ash,this is your bloody fault la.




oh yes.this leaf brushed passed Lin's neck and she got scared out of her wits.poor girl.hahahaha.

I got a call from TP today,for a VSC interview.

Their timing couldn't be any more perfect(That,mind you,was with sarcasm.But obviously,sarcasm don't always work with typed words).Most,if not some,would know that VSC is a course that I've been dying to get in.You'd think that,without a doubt,I'd go for it.Wrong.

I've been accepted for Horticulture and Landscape Management in NP.I got the enrolment package days ago and I've to return my reply for the Tuition Grant on Monday,20th March.Now, TP has scheduled me to have the interview on Monday.If I were to reply to NP,wouldn't it mean that I've accepted their offer?

My plan is to go for the interview.Afterwards,I'll submit the NP form.There's the high possibility of me screwing up the Q&A part of the interview anyhows.Speaking of which,I haven't even transfered my pictures.

and I've got a strand of white hair.pfft.

It sucks when you try to open up and be all honest to your parents.In the end,they hardly realise the bigger picture.So much for honesty and all eh?The next time I do such a thing,slap me real hard.

I've been around girls lately and I don't quite like it.We tend to think bloody excessively,which will inevitably lead to petty misunderstandings.Not that I don't have the tendency to not think unnecessarily.I just think I relate better with guys (think: guy in girl's body kind of relation).

I'm not a sucker for all the sappy friendship shit.It wouldn't bother me if I didn't have a best friend or if you didn't give me a hug when we said goodbye.All the girl-wirly stuff don't do it for me either.I'd rather ride in a trolley along Joo Chiat with someone pushing me and another,to video-record my ridiculous reaction.I couldn't care less about bloody gossips or which guy you're having trouble rejecting.Give me something real,something you actually care about.

On a lighter note,I've been having the sudden urge to read.Yet to do some soul-searching as well.Wouldn't be a bad idea to have a Loner Week,huh?

Someone enlighten me on what a social status is suppose to mean and tell me whether they even bear significance in the first place.This goes out generally.

I remember how I used to write "biographies" in primary school.There was the "All about ME",that "Friends" section and the occasional crap "Roses Are Red,Violets Are Blue" poem.I remember how I had best friends who never felt the same way towards me.I don't know how they became my best friends anyway.Maybe it was because we spent half of our time together.

But is it the quantity of time or the quality of time,that defines a friendship?Let's say Person A has known you for so long (think years),wouldn't he/she know what you're like by now?Change the person to Person B,who spends not that much of a time with you.Yet,there is quite an understanding between you two.

I digress.I just think titles don't matter anymore.Because in due time,it'll lose all its meaning.What's important is knowing how genuine a person is.You don't need a title to assure you of that person's sincerity.Now I know why guys tend to not have titles.


taggers;
mary ann; don't think that EU thing does me any good.but yes,thank you for the advices.
lin; there's nothing much to tell really.and i'm booking you soon!
khai; linked.
BuRnIn IcE; jamie cullum was good.i just got bored of it.and you're reading my entries,when it's beginnning to be a bore?

It was all wrong for me to actually think for a moment that,there maybe hope.I forgot that there wasn't any base of mutual infatuation to even start it off with.

He asked me something that I couldn't really answer.All I came up with was "doesn't matter.it's not as if there's gonna be a proper relationship betwen us."He asked me what I wanted from him and it was then that I realise,that I've been thinking too much about what he might want and never pondered much about what I wanted.-shrugs-

Well,I really hope he'd "find a nice girl" and "just have a lovely relationship".This self-inflicted pain was nice while it lasted and somehow,I wouldn't mind doing again.It's nice being a weird kid.

Oh yeah.Don't bother asking me what happened.Apparently,I've come to find out that I suck tremendously at telling detailed conversations.So in the end,it'd all be a shitload of mambo-jumbo.Let's just say..

It's all over now.

random:
Do people really care about what our MSN nicks are?I ought to be more careful now,shouldn't I?Yeah right balls.

I've gone past that phase of self-pity,which didn't hurt as bad as most of you think it would.But really,would it hurt to have a little bit of self-pity once in awhile?Somtimes I think we need a little bit of something bad to make ourself better.Then again,maybe it's just me and how I deal in order to 'boost the self-esteem'.

I've also found it bloody cliche and a bore when someone comes and tell me about how I should leave the ex-boyfriend.How I should ill-treat him for all the,what Ash calls it,mental torture.How I should just walk out on him because he's just taking me for granted.The odds are probably only 1 out of 10 people,who actually told me something like "Just have fun,babe".For that,I've to thank Adilin Ismail.

Yes,it's somewhat hurting.Yes,I'd probably be letting him take me for granted.Yes,it sucks bad.But you know what?Maybe that's just what I needed to hear.

Someone to tell me that it's okay if i were to choose the other way.There isn't really a right or a wrong,isn't it?I've heard too much of the negativity,that it seems so bloody wrong to just turn the other way and actually just go with it (whatever the relationship is called).Just actually,ya know,have fun.

Life's been a monotonous piece of crap,till lately.It just makes me feel like..I'm in touch with it now.I just think life should be anything,but boring.


{p/s}
Have I mention that I've found difficulty in relating to someone (or anyone for that matter)?

I need a massage real bad.
I need to cuddle up real bad.
I need some soul-searching real bad.

Make me feel good.
Make me feel good.
Make me feel good.
Make me feel good.
Make me feel good.
Bloody good.

lovely,isn't it?
-by yours truly


You don't know how bad I wish we didn't have gone this far.How I want so badly to walk away and leave you to tend to your pathetic wants/needs.However,we both know the obivious of me uncapable of it. Especially not when I know you hold the answers to my questions.Not when I don't know what you want with me and what I mean to you.Lately though,my significance isn't much.

There's nothing much to fret about,really.Yet I still constantly bombard myself with infinite questions,most of them lacking the necessity.Adding the lack of food,I tend to send my head in a whirl with then the high tendency to purge nothing out of my system.I ought to stop.I ought to cease these garbage thoughts.At least,for now.

I'm all out of faith,
this is how I feel.
I'm cold and I am chained,
lying naked on the floor.



Since you want me for the wrong reasons,I'll stop the brain juice from flowing.The continuation will start at our next meeting,with me asking you what you want with me.


taggers;
sheena; thank you babe.credits ought to be to the person who made it though.
feez; uh uh.
lin; they're all secretly just finding their sexuality.and yes,your bf is kental la.he did that assumption,just because me and him were walking really closely together.

The love died long ago.
Now,you want me for the wrong reasons.
Maybe I shouldn't stay,
because I bear no significance.

It wasn't meant to be,baby.
It wasn't meant to be.


taggers;
nigel; bhs sounds cool.HAH.
mat; stick with you i will.
lin; he just should so the Russian Roulette or something.
shaz; no problem babe.much love.
feez; taken note of url,my lesbianlooove.
maryann; thanks sayang.muchlove.lucks for the exams.
danial; me and him weren't holding hands.and queenstown eh?HAHA.okayyy
sav; i've no -kaching- for myself,what's more a ticket.

As we let the clouds pass,
I let my heart bare it all.
With scraps of questions,
pending for your answer.

I don't deserve your silence.
I deserve your answers.
I deserve your honesty.
Will that be too much to ask for?

♥

11:06 PM

this might be late here,but anyhows..

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY,SAVRINA LOVE!


taggers;

feez; screw him,of course.
danny; it's cool,and only cool.heh.MDIS is good too,boy.let's stick together please.
nigel; i'm lost.

♥ Saturday, March 04, 2006

11:34 PM

Posted Institution : NGEE ANN POLYTECHNIC
Course Name : HORTICULTURE AND LANDSCAPE MANAGEMENT
Course Code : N94


i think it's cool,really.it's just the distance that really bothers me.then again,that shouldn't be compromised with my future.but i'll just try to try my luck with TP anyway.


{add}
leonard zhou,you're a bitch for saying i won't fucking make it in that course.you might be joking,but i don't find it funny.so please die.really.
{/add}

♥ Thursday, March 02, 2006

2:31 AM

All they did,
was keep wandering.
Like lost souls,
in need of some comforting.

Then the droplets ran,
against my naked body.
Extraodinary.
Like some prodigy.

And it seemed to bring more meaning,
when water ran against my skin.

♥ Wednesday, March 01, 2006

2:49 AM

I wish I was a disciple of Grissom.
Then maybe,I'd be able to solve your insane crime of love.
Crime of love,cheesy no?Heh.

25o788;NP-HLM
[msn] silverbubble_gal@hotmail.com

-
I always wonder what it'd be like..
To be able to sleep amongst the clouds.

I don't see why you're so judgemental on everything I do or say.Like,do I really need a reason to not publish the blog?Stop assuming that I've issues just because I tend to do something out of the ordinary,or when it's really out of the blue.Maybe it's because I'm eccentric or maybe I just needed a change.NOT because I've bloody issues.

Maybe you're the one with issues,girl.Why is,him not ever changing for the better(at least for now),so oblivious to you?I mean I know you love him(notice the lack of past tense),but it's not as if you weren't constantly a victim of his pathetic sexual needs of the opposite sex.Then again,love IS sadly blind.

I really wonder whether you actually find that EU thing useful.I wonder whether you're dillusional about it all.If it really works,well..it'd just be more obvious.And no,I don't think you're more matured.More practical and realistic,maybe.Matured,no.

This is why I wouldn't wanna publish.You'd probably not accept it and bear a grudge for the wrong reason.You're right(refer to Maryann's tagboard).This is sad.

- - - -

On a very much lighter note,best friend and I had a really good talk today.I guess for a moment(okay I'm telling a fib) or many,I've doubted our friendship.I thought that we were all living it up for the status.That it was a little fascade that had happened,to assure that everyone's little bubble wouldn't burst.Just another thing to make someone happy.

Guess she has matured in her own little way and I'm merely quite oblivious to her growing up.Also because of her not displaying her maturity,or so she says.Anyhows,it was good that I met up with her just now.Realised how much I can actually relate to her,even though not totally.How much as well I missed us fooling around and laughing at the smallest of issues.

She also reminded me of :
1) How great Ben was.At one point of time.
2) How ugly Asyraf is(and that I probably went for him for his "charm").


{p/s}I'm sorry for all the brackets after every saying.I guess I'm not good with description and anything to do with adjectives and nouns.

bus rides are comforting.i ought to do it often.

I can't believe I woke up this morning,with a glimpse of adreaded fantasy amnesia.I woke up dreaming that my best friend had turned all "evil",then he tried to kiss me.OH bloody hell.To add to the horror,is the thought of him already attached,in reality.

Yesterday was also the mark of me severing ties with Asyraf.It's sickening to know that yours truly has dwelled on something so worthless.On someone,so worthless.

Whoever said "All's fair in love and more",must have been living in denial.Till then,may there come a day for true love.To love and be loved.Listen to me..I can be such a sucker for romance.

Oh.I saw a mother slapping her probably Primary1 kid at the bus stop.And just in the morning,FD was going "Why are kids violent today?".Now we know,isn't it?

My last words for all to see.For most,anyway.

To many a times,I've lost all sense in blogging(or should I say,writing for all to see).Too many a times I question thy self,whether or not I should just stick to penning down my thoughts on paper.

Keeping a diary meant you having to keep issues to yourself,if not having a moment of self-release.Blogging?It's that,alright..and a whole lot more.

Blogging means you having to put yourself out to the world.It means being judged for every word and every unseen action you utter.Then again,if all that judging(or criticising) could help you with your typed issues,by all means carry on.This hasn't help me much.

Goodbye,world.

Hello again,Jenn!So nice to see you blogging again(but why oh why LJ).You're a goddess when it comes to words:)

I finally got the necessary,so as to stuff dear me,for all the upcoming stay-in-to-save days.I hate the fact that I've to fork out about $40 for my mother's lost ixus4o's casing(I checked the price at Harvey Norman just now).And no,she has yet to know.

blast it!i've got shit songs on my iTunes.

I've the urge to rip,destroy and then re-create my clothes.Blame me for the lack of dollars in my wallet.Not to mention,I'll be stuck at home for the next couple of days.I'm bound to resort to something arty-farty when I'm bored senseless.

Oh.You do realise that I've nothing to blog about.If you don't however,I won't blame you for constantly wanting to be my paparazzi.


Wouldn't hurt if you cared,ya know.

Waking up at 2pm,even though you had an early night is a very sinful thing.Makes me feel all lethargic as well.yuck.

I've got 50bucks!!for grocery shopping.Looking on the bright side,at least I can have stay-ins that wouldn't lead to starvation.Speaking of which,I haven't even had brunch.

for the next few days,there will be no more of me stepping out of the house(except tomorrow,for grocery shopping).i need to save money,since i don't think i'll be able to get those short-term jobs.hopefully mom and dad will give me a wee bit help.

AND NO MORE CARAMEL FRAPPUCINO FOR ADILIN ISMAIL.

everytime she has them,she gets all looney and high.to top it all off,she had a venti just now.and since i'm not able to stop her,i might as well join her.naturally.bitchbitch session was good.too bad at the end of the day,the camera casing got lost.another reason why i've to save money.blast it.

- - - -

if you tell me something unnecessary right now,i will fucking slap you.bloody hard.

it's the eyes,lin.period.


i'm so damn hungry.irregular meals have become somewhat a constant,so i might just find a jamie oliver boyfriend soon.or a richard gere one.OH BLOODY HELL.i should stop with the richard gere thing.i hope the dear brother brings food home.

and i want the yellow trucker cap or the frenchman hat from topshop.or something to salvage me from a bad-hair day before school starts.speaking of stuff,i want to go back-to-school shopping!where the money's going to come from is another story.anyone able to offer help with that?
PLEASE.

and i wonder whether you're still mad at me for what i did to you last time.maybe whatever happened was a retribution of sort.

it's all random.and i miss typing like that.

{add}
I'VE GOT FOOOOOD.
dear brother,you're the bomb!
{/add}

I have a decent passport photo now.Not perfect,just decent.I actually even bothered to straighten my hair at the salon for it.Brunch with Shaz,Feez and Mary Ann at LJS.Since Shaz had to go to work,the rest of us decided to catch Date Movie(In actual fact,they forced me to watch with them).The movie's crap,period.

Met Lin for supposingly dinner at Mak's Place but I forgot that it's closed on Mondays.Off we went to Raimah's and we got a discounted dinner.It cost us 11bucks when it was probably 17bucks.
-
nis:"So cheap?I think we got a discount.The fish alone was 10bucks kan?Why?"
lin:"Yeah.He's been looking at us ever since we came.If it means giving us discounts,LOOK AT ME ALL YOU BLOODY WANT"
nis:(laughs)
-

Had Starbucks at Parkway afterwards.I swear I'm never bringing caffeine near that girl again.She started to get all high,uttering nonsense and taking ridiculous pictures.

Now let's just let the pictures talk.










she reminds me of WOODY WOOD PECKER

{p/s}
will somebody please remind me to be home early every monday and tuesday?my tv shows!

"Relationships aren't like accounting,Rory.Everything doesn't line up into neat little columns and tally nicely in the end."She pushes her tousled hair back as if to ram her point home: Life,unlike maths,gets tangled.
-Allison to Rory in "The Good,The Bad,and the Ugly Men I've Dated" by Shane Bolks

- - - -

Oh Creator.Feels so goddamn good when you laze in bed with the right book.Indulging in the pre-texted world,fantasizing about the happy ending and wishing it was yours.I've got two books on hand now and staying-in wouldn't be such a bad idea.Heck,I might just be able to save enough money to buy me a pair of Giordano khakis.Even when I am done with the books,I've still got Justice League to watch(quite a sucker for cartoons,ain't I?cartoons,not anime you moron).

Now,what exactly was the whole point of this entry?mmhmm.

Well,nothing much really.Breaking away from my past routined weeks have been,well..Uplifting.I think I'm never going back.God forbid.

And blast it!It hasn't even been a week.I'm not saying I miss that fucktard,but it feels as if his absence was much longer than that.Much,much longer.

Oh yeah.This entry doesn't have a point.In fact,many of my entries are just to put a temporary halt to my endless flow of random thoughts.And I like it that way.Oh boy,I starting to adopt the British lingo from all these bloody authors.ah vell.No harm.

{p/s}
I'm not going for the VSC interview.Plants and sorts,here I come!

Pool with the guys just now,returned me my sanity.

Dinner with Lin at BedokCorner afterwards.It was nice to have a long walk through the night and just let it swallow your bloody thoughts.Even for awhile.It ended off with,Lin sprinting 20m suddenly and then running across the road shrilling "Runnnnn".Shrilling.I almost wanted to pee in my bloody pants from laughing so bloody hard.Details and how she got scared by a leaf,over at hers.

lin is fun shit.

Oh yes.I had to exchange wth someone for 5dollars of change.He was so helpful and was even kind enough to give me a $2 note to make things simpler for me.He could have just given me $5 worth of coins,which he had in his palm.Best thing is,he looked a little Japanese and was almost an Asian version of Richard Gere.

Life's so much better now.And I ought to stop this fetish for old man,especially Richard Gere.
Ash,this is your bloody fault la.




oh yes.this leaf brushed passed Lin's neck and she got scared out of her wits.poor girl.hahahaha.

I got a call from TP today,for a VSC interview.

Their timing couldn't be any more perfect(That,mind you,was with sarcasm.But obviously,sarcasm don't always work with typed words).Most,if not some,would know that VSC is a course that I've been dying to get in.You'd think that,without a doubt,I'd go for it.Wrong.

I've been accepted for Horticulture and Landscape Management in NP.I got the enrolment package days ago and I've to return my reply for the Tuition Grant on Monday,20th March.Now, TP has scheduled me to have the interview on Monday.If I were to reply to NP,wouldn't it mean that I've accepted their offer?

My plan is to go for the interview.Afterwards,I'll submit the NP form.There's the high possibility of me screwing up the Q&A part of the interview anyhows.Speaking of which,I haven't even transfered my pictures.

and I've got a strand of white hair.pfft.

It sucks when you try to open up and be all honest to your parents.In the end,they hardly realise the bigger picture.So much for honesty and all eh?The next time I do such a thing,slap me real hard.

I've been around girls lately and I don't quite like it.We tend to think bloody excessively,which will inevitably lead to petty misunderstandings.Not that I don't have the tendency to not think unnecessarily.I just think I relate better with guys (think: guy in girl's body kind of relation).

I'm not a sucker for all the sappy friendship shit.It wouldn't bother me if I didn't have a best friend or if you didn't give me a hug when we said goodbye.All the girl-wirly stuff don't do it for me either.I'd rather ride in a trolley along Joo Chiat with someone pushing me and another,to video-record my ridiculous reaction.I couldn't care less about bloody gossips or which guy you're having trouble rejecting.Give me something real,something you actually care about.

On a lighter note,I've been having the sudden urge to read.Yet to do some soul-searching as well.Wouldn't be a bad idea to have a Loner Week,huh?

Someone enlighten me on what a social status is suppose to mean and tell me whether they even bear significance in the first place.This goes out generally.

I remember how I used to write "biographies" in primary school.There was the "All about ME",that "Friends" section and the occasional crap "Roses Are Red,Violets Are Blue" poem.I remember how I had best friends who never felt the same way towards me.I don't know how they became my best friends anyway.Maybe it was because we spent half of our time together.

But is it the quantity of time or the quality of time,that defines a friendship?Let's say Person A has known you for so long (think years),wouldn't he/she know what you're like by now?Change the person to Person B,who spends not that much of a time with you.Yet,there is quite an understanding between you two.

I digress.I just think titles don't matter anymore.Because in due time,it'll lose all its meaning.What's important is knowing how genuine a person is.You don't need a title to assure you of that person's sincerity.Now I know why guys tend to not have titles.


taggers;
mary ann; don't think that EU thing does me any good.but yes,thank you for the advices.
lin; there's nothing much to tell really.and i'm booking you soon!
khai; linked.
BuRnIn IcE; jamie cullum was good.i just got bored of it.and you're reading my entries,when it's beginnning to be a bore?

It was all wrong for me to actually think for a moment that,there maybe hope.I forgot that there wasn't any base of mutual infatuation to even start it off with.

He asked me something that I couldn't really answer.All I came up with was "doesn't matter.it's not as if there's gonna be a proper relationship betwen us."He asked me what I wanted from him and it was then that I realise,that I've been thinking too much about what he might want and never pondered much about what I wanted.-shrugs-

Well,I really hope he'd "find a nice girl" and "just have a lovely relationship".This self-inflicted pain was nice while it lasted and somehow,I wouldn't mind doing again.It's nice being a weird kid.

Oh yeah.Don't bother asking me what happened.Apparently,I've come to find out that I suck tremendously at telling detailed conversations.So in the end,it'd all be a shitload of mambo-jumbo.Let's just say..

It's all over now.

random:
Do people really care about what our MSN nicks are?I ought to be more careful now,shouldn't I?Yeah right balls.

I've gone past that phase of self-pity,which didn't hurt as bad as most of you think it would.But really,would it hurt to have a little bit of self-pity once in awhile?Somtimes I think we need a little bit of something bad to make ourself better.Then again,maybe it's just me and how I deal in order to 'boost the self-esteem'.

I've also found it bloody cliche and a bore when someone comes and tell me about how I should leave the ex-boyfriend.How I should ill-treat him for all the,what Ash calls it,mental torture.How I should just walk out on him because he's just taking me for granted.The odds are probably only 1 out of 10 people,who actually told me something like "Just have fun,babe".For that,I've to thank Adilin Ismail.

Yes,it's somewhat hurting.Yes,I'd probably be letting him take me for granted.Yes,it sucks bad.But you know what?Maybe that's just what I needed to hear.

Someone to tell me that it's okay if i were to choose the other way.There isn't really a right or a wrong,isn't it?I've heard too much of the negativity,that it seems so bloody wrong to just turn the other way and actually just go with it (whatever the relationship is called).Just actually,ya know,have fun.

Life's been a monotonous piece of crap,till lately.It just makes me feel like..I'm in touch with it now.I just think life should be anything,but boring.


{p/s}
Have I mention that I've found difficulty in relating to someone (or anyone for that matter)?

I need a massage real bad.
I need to cuddle up real bad.
I need some soul-searching real bad.

Make me feel good.
Make me feel good.
Make me feel good.
Make me feel good.
Make me feel good.
Bloody good.

lovely,isn't it?
-by yours truly


You don't know how bad I wish we didn't have gone this far.How I want so badly to walk away and leave you to tend to your pathetic wants/needs.However,we both know the obivious of me uncapable of it. Especially not when I know you hold the answers to my questions.Not when I don't know what you want with me and what I mean to you.Lately though,my significance isn't much.

There's nothing much to fret about,really.Yet I still constantly bombard myself with infinite questions,most of them lacking the necessity.Adding the lack of food,I tend to send my head in a whirl with then the high tendency to purge nothing out of my system.I ought to stop.I ought to cease these garbage thoughts.At least,for now.

I'm all out of faith,
this is how I feel.
I'm cold and I am chained,
lying naked on the floor.



Since you want me for the wrong reasons,I'll stop the brain juice from flowing.The continuation will start at our next meeting,with me asking you what you want with me.


taggers;
sheena; thank you babe.credits ought to be to the person who made it though.
feez; uh uh.
lin; they're all secretly just finding their sexuality.and yes,your bf is kental la.he did that assumption,just because me and him were walking really closely together.

The love died long ago.
Now,you want me for the wrong reasons.
Maybe I shouldn't stay,
because I bear no significance.

It wasn't meant to be,baby.
It wasn't meant to be.


taggers;
nigel; bhs sounds cool.HAH.
mat; stick with you i will.
lin; he just should so the Russian Roulette or something.
shaz; no problem babe.much love.
feez; taken note of url,my lesbianlooove.
maryann; thanks sayang.muchlove.lucks for the exams.
danial; me and him weren't holding hands.and queenstown eh?HAHA.okayyy
sav; i've no -kaching- for myself,what's more a ticket.

As we let the clouds pass,
I let my heart bare it all.
With scraps of questions,
pending for your answer.

I don't deserve your silence.
I deserve your answers.
I deserve your honesty.
Will that be too much to ask for?

♥

11:06 PM

this might be late here,but anyhows..

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY,SAVRINA LOVE!


taggers;

feez; screw him,of course.
danny; it's cool,and only cool.heh.MDIS is good too,boy.let's stick together please.
nigel; i'm lost.

♥ Saturday, March 04, 2006

11:34 PM

Posted Institution : NGEE ANN POLYTECHNIC
Course Name : HORTICULTURE AND LANDSCAPE MANAGEMENT
Course Code : N94


i think it's cool,really.it's just the distance that really bothers me.then again,that shouldn't be compromised with my future.but i'll just try to try my luck with TP anyway.


{add}
leonard zhou,you're a bitch for saying i won't fucking make it in that course.you might be joking,but i don't find it funny.so please die.really.
{/add}

♥ Thursday, March 02, 2006

2:31 AM

All they did,
was keep wandering.
Like lost souls,
in need of some comforting.

Then the droplets ran,
against my naked body.
Extraodinary.
Like some prodigy.

And it seemed to bring more meaning,
when water ran against my skin.

♥ Wednesday, March 01, 2006

2:49 AM

I wish I was a disciple of Grissom.
Then maybe,I'd be able to solve your insane crime of love.
Crime of love,cheesy no?Heh.

adam
adilin
aisha
ahmad
azhar
charlene
dan.tan
farhan
feez
gz
hafiz
hafizah
hidayah
ilyasaa
jenn
jonathan
kak ira
khai.nizam
lis
malynaa
mary ann
mj
shaz
sheena
syadez
wenxiang
zaba


agneselle
atticeyc
bibandtuck
bonitochico
daintyloving
denudde
dresssy
ebigshoppingbag
fashionparade
flirtydolly
Flutter Runway
highway55
hocuspocusing
indyfindy
jumpingaway
littleredheels
lustfactory
miss-junkys
myladyslove
my springfling
nellyjoy
ohvola
SGSALE
stepbangdoor
studioFrost
SWOP
tracyeinny
The Red Wagon
theLadieshouse
VISUALSUSPEX
waddleHop
xthecloset

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